The Book of Six Meme Lords
'''The Book of Six Meme Lords' ''is the third and final book in the 'Eden Sauce' trilogy of Sageist scriptures. It was published on April 1st 2017 by Barrence Books LTD. Summary The Book of Six Meme Lords ''is divided into seven sections, making it the largest book in the entire trilogy. Each section is dedicated to one of the six '''Meme Lords', with the seventh seeing all of them unite. Section 1 - Grumball The first section is about the Meme Lord known as Grumball. He was originally a teacher at a school in the county of Wiltshire, United Kingdom, before leaving the school for numerous reasons. After becoming a secret scientist for The Government, Grumball created inter-dimensional travel, and was flung to a dimension where he was gifted with the title of Meme Lord Grumball, and joined The Order of Memery. He was sent on a mission by The Order to stop a group of Sagetanists from resurrecting Matthew Robinson, due to a prophecy predicting that Robinson would be the one to destroy Spicy-Memia and Primeland in a holy war. Equipped with Nerf Guns, Grumball went to carry out his mission, but arrived far too late. Robinson had been resurrected as Professor Nutsworth, and was now working with the Sagetanists to plot the demise of the two nations. Later on in the section, Grumball is shown to be living out his days in a post-apocalyptic Spicy-Memia, now with a paper hat with feathers reading 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY, 30 YEARS OLD'. He decides to give up his mission to kill Nutsworth, and returns to The Order of Memery, hoping to find another way of destroying Nutsworth. Section 2 - Northeast The second section is about the Meme Lord known as Northeast. Following his death by being run over by the armoured train, Northeast ended up in Eden Rock, the link between real life and the afterlife. It was here in which a mysterious figure appeared to him, offering him a second chance of life. Northeast eagerly accepted, and was reborn as a Meme Lord right there on Eden Rock. But before he did, his life flashed before his eyes, and he remembered the reason as to why he was so infatuated with trains. It is revealed that Northeast became a trainspotter due to his love of Thomas The Tank Engine growing up, and his curiosity leading him to ask the question 'Do trains have private parts?'. Since then, he has been trying to spot any signs that trains may have genitals via trainspotting. After learning that trains do not have any genitals through the flashback, Northeast decides to change his ways, and joins The Order of Memery to keep the world safe from stale memes. Northeast then travels across Spicy-Memia, using his new powers to destroy all Sagetanists and any potential threats who post stale memes. However, Northeast soon becomes corrupted by the stale memers within the terrorist group 'Nipple State', and rejoins The Primeland Empire. When The Order of Memery discovers Northeast's dark turn and posting of stale memes, he is removed of his Meme Lord status, and is sent to Ragnarok, the equivalent of Hell in Sageism. Depressed, Northeast decides to do trainspotting in Ragnarok, and lives out the rest of his days there. Until one day, a silhouette wearing a fedora appears, requesting that Northeast come with them to stop an evil entity known simply as 'Professor Nutsworth'. Section 3 - Hawkins The third section is about the Meme Lord known as Hawkins. After spending many years in the Technician's Office, solving technical problems across Hardenhuish Academy in Wiltshire, he decides to take a group of Year 11's on a DofE expedition, and is given the nickname 'DofE Dave', much to the annoyance of Hawkins. Late at night on the expedition weekend, Hawkins hears a rave in a nearby field, and sees numerous flashing lights in the distance. However, when he reaches the field, wanting to ask the ravers to stop, he finds that no one is there, despite the lights, music and noise. He begins to leave, until 'Tunak Tunak Tun' begins to play, resulting in Hawkins dancing due to his extreme love for the song. The Order of Memery witnesses his dancing, and decide that he is worthy of becoming a Meme Lord. After several years, Hawkins has served The Order well, and is living out the final years of his life in Port Hardenhuish, Spicy-Memia. He is abruptly contacted by The Order, who state that a group of Sagetanists have resurrected Matthew Robinson, and that Hawkins must gather a group of Sageist Meme Lords to prevent worldwide stale meme invasions. Section 4 - Platt The fourth section is about the Meme Lord known as Platt. It is revealed that Platt was sentenced to a Gulag following the events of The First Chicken Goujon War, and has remained there since. Due to the harsh conditions, Platt went insane and lost his memory altogether, including the fact that he was a Meme Lord. After several months in therapy, Platt's memories are triggered back once he sees Sage, another fellow Meme Lord, and religious figurehead of The Sageist Church. Platt remembers that he and Sage were secret allies during the war, with Platt providing intelligence to Memian forces, only for Sage to betray him once Primeland out of supplies as a result of Platt deliberately using them all up. Platt and Sage battle inside The Gulag, resulting in riots and minor terrorist bombings. Upon being hit in the head with a dodgeball, Sage crashes to the ground, where Platt prepares to kill him. After throwing Platt into a wall, Sage tells him that The Order of Memery needs him in order to stop 'Professor Nutsworth', to which Platt agrees stating 'Haha, fuck dude lol, shit'. Section 5- Craig The fifth section is about the Meme Lord known as Craig. It is revealed that this is the same Craig as seen in Barrence's previous book, The Book of HP Sauce. Craig is now much older and living in Spicy-Memia as an athlete, attempting to compete in the 2020 Tokyo Olympics. One day, he decides that for his training session, he will run all the way to Eden Rock from Port Hardenhuish. After many hours, Craig arrives at Eden Rock, and begins to have memories of smoking weed in the sixties, a picnic with his parents, neglecting his family, which he recalls from 1967 as being a sign that he needed to change his ways. However, what confuses Craig is how these events and Eden Rock are intertwined. He then recalls that the picnic with the makeshift milk bottle occurred at Eden Rock during a holiday. He then reaches the top of Eden Rock, and looks out to sea. It is here in which he meets an old man calling himself Mr. Hughes, who tells Craig that he is the first Sageist to come to Eden Rock that day. Craig denies, stating that he is not a Sageist, and simply came here for a training exercise. Mr. Hughes offers Craig a conversion to Sageism right there if he wishes to seek inner-peace, and Craig agrees, feeling that the fake memories coming back may have some connection to Sageism. After spending several months as a Sageist, he meets the figurehead of the religion himself, Sage. The two discuss the current Social Justice War as well as Craig's desire to compete in the 2020 Tokyo Olympics. Sage then informs Craig that a greater war is coming, one that could destroy the entire planet, and is directly connected to Eden Rock, stating Craig's memories were not merely coincidental. Craig is then made a Meme Lord and the two meet with The Order of Memery, where Sage prepares to reveal the dark truth about Eden Rock. Section 6 - Sage The sixth section is about the Meme Lord known as Sage. Beginning in 2015, Sage attends Sunday School, where he meets with some young children, and tells them of his YouTube channel. The children then start a fan club, which spirals out of control, resulting in the children believing that Sage is a God due to his Meme Lord abilities, and an entire new religion being created around his teachings and wisdom. It then cuts forwards several years. The Social Justice War is slowly but surely coming to an end with the occupation of Primeland. He is then contacted by a fellow Meme Lord known as Hawkins, who tells him that enemy of the state Matthew Robinson has been resurrected as a half-demon called 'Professor Nutsworth'. Sage, fearing the power of The Sagetanists and their stale memes, reaches out to multiple Meme Lords, including Grumball, Northeast, Platt and Craig. During a meeting with The Order of Memery, Sage reveals that Eden Rock was a place in which he travelled to as a potential pilgrimage site for his religion, freeing it from the evils of Catholicism and The Pope. However, within Eden Rock lay a dark secret. He reveals that he didn't just go to Eden Rock to find a sacred site where followers could pilgrim too, but he went there to imprison Egas, the leader of Sagetanism, so that he could not bring darkness upon the world. Along with the help of Nutsworth, the only one with the power to open Eden Rock, The Sagetanists hope to free Egas and conquer Spicy-Memia for revenge against Sage. Section 7 - The End The seventh and final section is about the six Meme Lords coming together to defeat Professor Nutsworth and stop him from freeing Egas. It follows immediately after the events of Section 6, with The Six Meme Lords arriving at Eden Rock, where a transformed Nutsworth and a group of Sagetanists are waiting. An epic battle ensues, and is witnessed by hundreds of Memians and Sageists alike. During the battle, however, Eden Rock is opened, and Egas is freed. By this point, everyone on both sides, with the exception of Sage and Nutsworth, have fallen. Sage then kills Nutsworth and begins to battle with Egas, a fight between the light and the dark, the good and the evil. After several hours, Sage is near to death on top of Eden Rock, and is about to be killed by Egas until the other Five Meme Lords intervene and attack, with Grumball using NERF Guns, Northeast throwing toy trains, Hawkins chucking tentpegs, Platt laughing like an autistic manchild and Craig pouring his dad's very special 'Daddy's Sauce' all over Egas' head. Eventually, Egas is beaten, and Sage performs an exorcism in order to destroy Egas once and for all. All Six Meme Lords then decide to watch television at Craig's home, and celebrate their victory with a lovely evening supper of Fish, Chips and of course, Craig's father's very own Daddy's Sauce, as well as a cheeky film, as they decide to watch the hit comedy of 2010, 'Tooth Fairy'. Reception In The Sageist Community The book was met with global critical acclaim from Sageists. In a live Q&A, Louis Theroux stated that he had read the entire book in less than a day, and adored every single page, calling it a beautiful religious text, with emotional moments, as well as seamless connections to the previous books. Many Sageists also praised the inclusion of Sagetanism, which he deemed was something that needed to be addressed at some point in a Sageist scripture. They also liked the inclusion of Egas, who is widely believed to be a secret twin brother or evil clone who's existence Sage does not confirm or deny. This is believed due to Egas being Sage in reverse. The book sold millions of copies from the Sageist community on it's day of release, and is deemed the best book in the 'Eden Sauce' trilogy, with Barrence now being deemed a master of religious scripture, and is rumoured to be receiving a OSME (Officer of the Most Excellent Order of the Spicy-Memian Empire) Award for his works. In The Academic Community The book was well-received by the academic community, with many critics deeming it a 'very long, but emotional and engaging read with beautifully written sections and well developed and faithful characters based upon their real life characters'. They also stated that 'regardless as to weather or not any events in this book actually occurred, it's strengths come from it's relatable characters and engaging story'. Some in the community deemed it 'utter nonsense that makes no sense whatsoever' and that it seemed to be 'ludicrous fantasy with disgusting sexual references with this whole "daddy's sauce" business from that Craig character'. It sold well with the academic community, with over 500 thousand copies being sold within two days of it's release, and being nominated for 'Book of The Year' at numerous book award shows, whilst Barrence is also up for nomination as 'Author of The Year' at The Literature Awards Ceremony (nicknamed The Lit) being held at Port Hardenhuish, Spicy-Memia in July 2017. Sequel With the founding of Reformed Sageism, Barrance revealed plans for a new trilogy of Sageist scriptures that would expand the lore, history and teachings of Sage. As of 2018, the first book in the trilogy is still being written, and it's release date is yet to be confirmed.